Any man can be a father...

So for any of my close friends and family most of you know that I have a biological father that hasn’t really been a part of my life. He and my mom split up right before I was born. They were married but only for about a year. According to my mom he cheated on her and according to him (now) he didn’t mess around until after my mom moved back to Germany. After I was born I saw him once when I was 4 after my mom and dad were married and moved back to the States. Saw my "father" and his wife for a few minutes when they came to NC when I was about 12. He brought me a Nintendo game that I really wanted. Apparently he asked my mom to take me to the mall and take me shopping. Not sure if this was to make up for lost time, but nonetheless my mom told him no later that night. He said he packed his shit and drove back home shortly after. So, a couple more years go by, no interaction between the two of us. His mom and dad sent me cards every year for my birthday and at Christmas, but other than that I had no interaction from them or even knew that side of my “family”. At fifteen I asked my mom and dad some questions. The usual kind of things any girl would ask. What happened? Why’d you get divorced? Why doesn’t he want anything to do with me? You get the point. Also, around this time my dad wanted to legally adopt me so my last name would be the same as his, my mom and my sisters. In order to do that my bio would have to relinquish all of his rights as my “father”. So time goes on and I tell my Grandmother I am looking for my “father”. Apparently she passes on the message to her son and wah laa he calls. We talk a couple times for about 2 weeks. I was 15 and he told me that he had a car for me, asked me to come to Alabama to visit and yadda yadda. I was scared, didn’t know him from Adam, and decided not to go. I think he sent me $50 for my birthday and then we just kinda stopped talking. It was kind of a mutual thing. On my end I thought he was just full of shit like my mom said he would be. It was hard to build a relationship with someone over the phone when we really had nothing to talk about. And it was even harder that I had a dad at home, that loved me and cared for me like his very own. Sooooo, 12 years fast forward…. We never talked after I turned 16. I occasionally sent pictures to my Grandmother with snide little comments like, “pass this on to my father if he cares”. But we have had no contact- Until June of this year. Out of the blue he calls my mom and says that he wants to get in touch with me. His daughter. His daughter that he hasn’t had shit to do with pretty much all my life. And now that I am happy, married, educated, own a house and a car, grown, and working on a career… nooooow he wants to be a part of my life. My very first instinct was fuck that. What could he possibly want? What could he possibly say to establish any type of relationship at this point? After years and years of bitterness, anger and resentment for feeling somewhat abandoned by a man I have met twice in my life and spoke to on the phone maybe 3 times. I don’t even know how to feel. So, we have been talking almost weekly since the end of June. A couple times we only have talked about every other week, but when we speak it’s usually for about an hour. We’ve talked about the past. We’ve talked about the now. He’s asked me lots of questions and I’ve asked him a few. Mostly we are both trying to fill in gaps and see what happens. Well, now he is supposed to come out here next week for my birthday. I am super anxious and nervous and excited all jumbled in to one big gut ball of nerves. I have so much to say that I haven’t said over the phone. Some things are better left to be said in person. I like to be able to judge someone’s reactions and unfortunately the phone doesn’t allow for facial expressions to come through. I will be sure to update everyone next week on my continued saga.