Monday, January 18, 2010

From raw to real..

So after a very long time of not going to church, Dale and I finally went this Sunday. I reacted in the manner I always do when I have been absent from experiencing the righteousness of God. I cried. I alwayyyyysss cry. I can't help it. I stood there as the words to the song displayed on the large screen and watched as everyone around me raised their hands to our Lord and Savior. With tear filled eyes I sang the song and felt my heart fill with the desire to be closer to God. The spiritual emptiness that I have been feeling was slightly fulfilled. I held my husbands hand and together we shared the moment of no longer feeling broken. We were just where we wanted to be. And so our spiritual journey begins, again. After the lesson, I left with the message that sometimes in life circumstances and things happen that are beyond our control. While we may not always see or know the reason for those trials and tribulations we need to keep faith that it is for something amazing. I think that is the hardest thing I struggle with personally is maintaining my faith. It's not that I stopped believing in God or anything along those lines. For me it was always just, why? Why is this happening to me? Why is my mom suffering? Why did so and so get sick? I question the things that take place in my life instead of embracing the lessons learned or good that came from the bad. So moving forward I will try to not question His motivation so much, and just go with the flow.

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